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From:

magusrobin

“I don’t think so. I think… when I’m wanting to do something kind… I’m doing it as myself.” It wasn’t that being a mage meant you couldn’t be kind, it just meant you had to be more cautious of the gifts you imparted. “Even though Elias isn’t here, I’m still his apprentice. That makes me a mage… in training, at least. So his advice is always at the back of my mind.”

Maybe, she thought, it would be easier if she didn’t think of Elias while she was here. Didn’t think of home. But Chise already knew that wasn’t possible for her. Everything she had accomplished since she had met him, every step that she had taken since then… it wasn’t just under her own power. Elias had saved her, making it possible, and the people she had met along the way had given her support. So she couldn’t just discard him like that.

“Likewise, does not using magic mean you aren’t a magic user? Does being yourself mean you aren’t abiding by the rules and mannerisms you’ve been taught?”

Anther question that Chise wasn’t sure of the answer to. And she wasn’t wanting to grill Loki, but she was curious of the answer. Then, for good measure, she took a bite of food… just so he couldn’t call her out on stalling or something.

From:

whose_son_am_i

"You're not wrong, but I also see you dodging it a bit. You state you want to do something kind, as yourself. But you also insist you are still a mage in training. So, does that mean you are always a mage, and never just yourself alone?"

From:

magusrobin

“I… don’t know…” That wasn’t a good enough answer. Chise sighed. “No… I’m not always a mage’s apprentice. But… I think that’s the foremost descriptor I can give myself…” After all, she was still figuring out where her place in the world was and what she wanted to do, both in and outside of Somnius. “But I don’t think I can discount it entirely. I’m myself, but also an apprentice. I’m human, but also a Sleigh Beggy. It’s like… you can be a friend with someone, but also more. Like Elias isn’t just my teacher…”

And it was that thought, as she trailed off and took a moment to process, that had her averting her gaze, a blush creeping up her cheeks.

From:

whose_son_am_i

That brought a rich chuckle from Loki. "Now Chise, you should know better than to leave an opening like that with one as curious as me." A gentle tease.

"But you are correct. People can have more than one role. They often have many they fulfill, and it can change from moment to moment." With a gentle smile, he continued. "So it would be up to you to figure out who you're being, and whether that means you can give recompense for kindness or not. Whether you want to."

From:

magusrobin

Chise did the best she could to let the blush fade from her face, focusing instead on what Loki said. Emerald gaze softening.

"Right... thank you. For the advice." She didn't want to seem like she was keeping secrets from him. "I'm still figuring some things out... and the past few months haven't been easy." But... it had been manageable, in part due to Loki's kindness.

From:

whose_son_am_i

"Don't think I'll just forget that tantalizing clue you just dropped. But I will let you recover from your blush. For now." Loki teased gently.

Letting that lie there for the moment, while he focused on the food and drink a bit. Hopefully she'd do the same.

From:

magusrobin

Chise hummed, equal parts embarrassment and acknowledgement, as she took the time to do just that: eat and cool the blush from her cheeks.

Several minutes of silence followed, in which she tried very hard to not think of what they had been discussing, until she felt level enough to speak again. Taking a sip of tea, she turned her attention back to her guest.

“Um… if you don’t mind me asking… how are you doing? We’ve been talking a lot about me, but… the reason I brought you here was to make sure you were alright…” And to give him a safe space to say whatever he wished, without people overhearing, though that was implied enough.

From:

whose_son_am_i

Well drat, Loki had hoped she'd might forget. A sigh, as...he wasn't necessarily opposed to talking to Chise? He actually appreciated the concern, and was getting used to the idea that it could be genuine from others. But he still did want some control over the topic and conversation.

"I am managing. I have been through similar before. How aware are you of what was going on and happening, while the Green Knight was here looking for Night Sky?"

From:

magusrobin

How aware had she been? Might as well start at the beginning…

“I know… I woke up to the Cottage being forest. To all of Somnius being forest, really. And there was this constant pain in my head… but it was also like a fog trying to creep in. Sometimes a voice, sometimes just… blankness. I assume that was the Knight?” She frowned slightly, whether she was aware of it or not. “I know… quite a few people fell under his enthrallment. I worked at the church to help heal those that had been hurt and… ran into a few who needed help otherwise.”

The way her gaze dropped back to her tea, it was like she was getting lost in the memories again. She hadn’t succumbed, but that hadn’t meant the voice was any less determined to reach out to her. Thankfully, it had faded with the Green Knight’s defeat. And in it’s wake had been left the emotional and physical devastation that a lot of the Dreamers showed signs of feeling.

From:

whose_son_am_i

"Night Sky fared the worse, as the Green Knight was from her past." Loki said quietly, informing Chise. Pausing to order his thoughts. "Thank you for your help with others. I'm glad you were able to resist the enthrallment, as well."

Okay, he was stalling. Even though it was important to acknowledge Chise's work because SHE did better when she felt useful.

"I resisted at first, until I encountered Night Sky under the Knight's control. She wounded me rather badly, and while I do have a regenerative healing factor of my own... My resources were taxed enough by it that I succumbed to the Knight's control."

Just going to let that hang there.

From:

magusrobin

“I only did what I could…” And it didn’t mean the Knight hadn’t tried to turn her. Chise was just glad the beaches and the like were gone… Still, she appreciated the praise.

She listened patiently to Loki’s explanation. Concise, detailed as usual. And with each sentence, the worry in her grew. She didn’t show him pity - he wouldn’t want that, but at the same time… “It wasn’t your fault.” She spoke on autopilot, honestly, so that none of her thoughts would be filtered. “Whatever you might have done, or not. But… I know that doesn’t make it right. Not being in control of yourself… it takes a toll on you.”

Chise herself had only had brief moments of that outside of Somnius, and she was still left with no answers. She couldn’t imagine what an extended incident, like with the Knight, would leave her feeling.

From:

whose_son_am_i

He didn't, and wouldn't want pity. Unfortunately, her automatic responses had him frowning and eyes-narrowing with a sharp look in them. He didn't lash out though or speak.

She was attempting to be sympathetic, and Loki could tell that. But unfortunately it was a prickly subject and the way she was going about it was not one that helpful to him. Not from her, and maybe not from anyone.

From:

magusrobin

"I'm... not that good at this..." She stared back at her tea, unsure of what to say or do. "There isn't anything I can say that will change what happened. I know that... but I'm here. To listen, or simply just as a presence. And the Cottage is quiet and disconnected so I figured... it might be a good break."

From:

whose_son_am_i

"You wish to allow me a place to speak, perhaps to attempt to process what happened to me, that is private." Loki stated, though it might've been a question too. Aloof, distant. "Why?" Because that was what he was the most curious about.

From:

magusrobin

She nodded, somewhat meekly. Chise herself was still figuring out how all of this worked but... she wouldn't lie to him.

"I'm sorry if it somehow causes you distress but... I do care." Her gaze left the tea cup to meet his. "Not just in the fact that you've helped me. Not just because it might be seen as the 'right thing to do'... you're more than just an acquaintance. More than just a teacher. I... see you as a friend, if that's alright..." Her pauses were not hesitation in what she spoke - it was the absolute truth. It was more that Chise needed time to process how properly she wanted to convey her thoughts. This was new for her... even with Elias, she still had trouble putting her true feelings into words. But she felt that this was important - her relation with Loki wasn't transactional to her. It was something she wanted.

From:

whose_son_am_i

Again he let her speak, remaining aloof and distant, but sharp blue-green eyes studied her. Noting those hesitations, the nerves, unflinchingly meeting her own gaze. Holding it for a long moment, before Loki nodded. Just like that, the distance was gone, the aloofness a mere shadow. A hint of a curl of smile around his mouth, as he picked up his glass of iced tea. "...Even with my months here, I am still not used to others caring about me, or for me." Then a slow blink, and a quieter and soft. "Thank you Chise. I would like to be friends too, besides having you as my student somewhat."

Edited Date: 2024-09-04 01:40 am (UTC)

From:

magusrobin

"I would like that." Her own response was softer too. Even though she had already said it previously... she would repeat it for as many times as he needed to hear. "And thank you too. I want to reiterate - this is a safe space. You don't have to talk, you can simply be here, and that's fine too. But I want you to know the option is up to you."

She would leave it up to Loki. Whether he wanted her to listen or help process, whether he was ready for that step or not. She wasn't a councilor - all she had to offer was friendship and her presence. But she would do that willingly.

In the meantime... she took another piece of bread to munch on.

From:

whose_son_am_i

The bread had him make a small amused noise. "It was...hard. I've had my mind ransacked before, though not controlled fully. I swore that no one would ever be able to do that to me again." There was venom in some of those words, and some loathing, and perhaps the tiniest microscopic bit of fear. "The Knight's control had me asleep however, and I'm glad that the being had no knowledge of how to properly use my skills and talents or it would've been so much worse. For everyone."

A peace-offering, perhaps. Loki wasn't seeking solutions or help processing. But given to Chise so she'd understand.

From:

magusrobin

She nodded, patiently listening. Taking in that information, grateful inwardly - like he had said - that things hadn't been worse. But it wasn't her place to say, knowing that the burden fell to him alone. So she simply sat in silence, continuing to eat - maybe a peace offering in her own way, wanting him to speak what he wanted without interruption, and for her to enjoy the food that he had brought as well. There was some amount of understanding - Chise herself only knew microscopically what that must have felt like.

From:

whose_son_am_i

"I won't say I wouldn't blame anyone if they'd simply taken me down as a means to preventing worse. Because I would be angry about it later, and be rightly annoyed and pissed off to be blunt. But I would've understood." Again, offered quietly, in a low voice. A tangled jumble of emotions in a knot that wasn't easy to unravel.

"I loathe being under someone else's control, to dance to their tune and manipulated by their plans. Directly, or indirectly as we're all rather well trapped here." A hard and harsh tone, bitter and direct, promising nothing good for those responsible. "But I would be a fool not to recognize it has benefited me as well in ways I'm still coming to realize." Softened slightly, acknowledging that....friendship, and care, that he'd been learning and growing to feel himself.

From:

magusrobin

Chise nodded again. Patient. Wanting to give him time.

“There’s no easy answer - we are trapped here but… there is some good from it. Good people I’ve met, yourself included so… I understand.” She also understood the complexity of the situation - there was often times where she found herself wishing of home, but also not wanting to leave everyone stranded here.

And, Chise knew - in her heart - that if she had been faced with the decision of fighting against Loki… she wouldn’t have been able to do it. She would acknowledge that his powers, when used by the wrong individual, could be dangerous… but she could never get rid of him. Impossible as it might have seemed, she would have wanted to find another way. But… since she didn’t have concrete terms for that, she only listened. Providing her presence, like she promised.

From:

whose_son_am_i

Loki scoffed lightly, but not meanly. "I am not a 'good' person, Chise. I can do good things, but I've also done some very terrible and awful things before too. I do not feel limited by my role as a Trickster or God of Mischief, but it suits me rather well overall. I can play the villain, if needed or wanted." Likewise, he could play the hero--though Loki was learning what that meant as well still.

"This is not me discounting your friendship or words however." That last said genuinely, as none of his words or tone were meant meanly so much as statements of facts.

From:

magusrobin

She gave him an understanding nod. “I know but… if I can selfishly think… meeting you was a ‘good’ point for me.” Still, she didn’t want to discredit his observations either. “I’m glad that it doesn’t limit you. That’s… part of my problem, I think.” A bit of a callback to their earlier conversation. She was glad he didn’t feel such limits from a title or role, but she suspected both of them were still figuring things out.

From:

whose_son_am_i

"The very nature and role of a trickster means one will change and grow and test boundaries. It'd be fairly ironic and annoying if that 'limited' one, given its nature." Wryly, with a hint of smirk.

From:

magusrobin

The smirk sent relief through her. At least he was feeling well enough to do so.

“Do you think, maybe, that’s where people first got the inspiration?” She asked, curious. Knowing that Loki had lived a long life, he might have seen it, but… for now, she was just debating with herself. “Elias often says how the Other Side often influences things in our world, even if you can’t see it. I guess I’m curious if it might be the same way…”