Laby Inbox

[magusrobin]

Chise's Laby Inbox

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UN:Robin

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[magusrobin]

"I'm... not that good at this..." She stared back at her tea, unsure of what to say or do. "There isn't anything I can say that will change what happened. I know that... but I'm here. To listen, or simply just as a presence. And the Cottage is quiet and disconnected so I figured... it might be a good break."

[whose_son_am_i]

"You wish to allow me a place to speak, perhaps to attempt to process what happened to me, that is private." Loki stated, though it might've been a question too. Aloof, distant. "Why?" Because that was what he was the most curious about.

[magusrobin]

She nodded, somewhat meekly. Chise herself was still figuring out how all of this worked but... she wouldn't lie to him.

"I'm sorry if it somehow causes you distress but... I do care." Her gaze left the tea cup to meet his. "Not just in the fact that you've helped me. Not just because it might be seen as the 'right thing to do'... you're more than just an acquaintance. More than just a teacher. I... see you as a friend, if that's alright..." Her pauses were not hesitation in what she spoke - it was the absolute truth. It was more that Chise needed time to process how properly she wanted to convey her thoughts. This was new for her... even with Elias, she still had trouble putting her true feelings into words. But she felt that this was important - her relation with Loki wasn't transactional to her. It was something she wanted.

[whose_son_am_i]

Again he let her speak, remaining aloof and distant, but sharp blue-green eyes studied her. Noting those hesitations, the nerves, unflinchingly meeting her own gaze. Holding it for a long moment, before Loki nodded. Just like that, the distance was gone, the aloofness a mere shadow. A hint of a curl of smile around his mouth, as he picked up his glass of iced tea. "...Even with my months here, I am still not used to others caring about me, or for me." Then a slow blink, and a quieter and soft. "Thank you Chise. I would like to be friends too, besides having you as my student somewhat."

[magusrobin]

"I would like that." Her own response was softer too. Even though she had already said it previously... she would repeat it for as many times as he needed to hear. "And thank you too. I want to reiterate - this is a safe space. You don't have to talk, you can simply be here, and that's fine too. But I want you to know the option is up to you."

She would leave it up to Loki. Whether he wanted her to listen or help process, whether he was ready for that step or not. She wasn't a councilor - all she had to offer was friendship and her presence. But she would do that willingly.

In the meantime... she took another piece of bread to munch on.

[whose_son_am_i]

The bread had him make a small amused noise. "It was...hard. I've had my mind ransacked before, though not controlled fully. I swore that no one would ever be able to do that to me again." There was venom in some of those words, and some loathing, and perhaps the tiniest microscopic bit of fear. "The Knight's control had me asleep however, and I'm glad that the being had no knowledge of how to properly use my skills and talents or it would've been so much worse. For everyone."

A peace-offering, perhaps. Loki wasn't seeking solutions or help processing. But given to Chise so she'd understand.

[magusrobin]

She nodded, patiently listening. Taking in that information, grateful inwardly - like he had said - that things hadn't been worse. But it wasn't her place to say, knowing that the burden fell to him alone. So she simply sat in silence, continuing to eat - maybe a peace offering in her own way, wanting him to speak what he wanted without interruption, and for her to enjoy the food that he had brought as well. There was some amount of understanding - Chise herself only knew microscopically what that must have felt like.

[whose_son_am_i]

"I won't say I wouldn't blame anyone if they'd simply taken me down as a means to preventing worse. Because I would be angry about it later, and be rightly annoyed and pissed off to be blunt. But I would've understood." Again, offered quietly, in a low voice. A tangled jumble of emotions in a knot that wasn't easy to unravel.

"I loathe being under someone else's control, to dance to their tune and manipulated by their plans. Directly, or indirectly as we're all rather well trapped here." A hard and harsh tone, bitter and direct, promising nothing good for those responsible. "But I would be a fool not to recognize it has benefited me as well in ways I'm still coming to realize." Softened slightly, acknowledging that....friendship, and care, that he'd been learning and growing to feel himself.

[magusrobin]

Chise nodded again. Patient. Wanting to give him time.

“There’s no easy answer - we are trapped here but… there is some good from it. Good people I’ve met, yourself included so… I understand.” She also understood the complexity of the situation - there was often times where she found herself wishing of home, but also not wanting to leave everyone stranded here.

And, Chise knew - in her heart - that if she had been faced with the decision of fighting against Loki… she wouldn’t have been able to do it. She would acknowledge that his powers, when used by the wrong individual, could be dangerous… but she could never get rid of him. Impossible as it might have seemed, she would have wanted to find another way. But… since she didn’t have concrete terms for that, she only listened. Providing her presence, like she promised.

[whose_son_am_i]

Loki scoffed lightly, but not meanly. "I am not a 'good' person, Chise. I can do good things, but I've also done some very terrible and awful things before too. I do not feel limited by my role as a Trickster or God of Mischief, but it suits me rather well overall. I can play the villain, if needed or wanted." Likewise, he could play the hero--though Loki was learning what that meant as well still.

"This is not me discounting your friendship or words however." That last said genuinely, as none of his words or tone were meant meanly so much as statements of facts.

[magusrobin]

She gave him an understanding nod. “I know but… if I can selfishly think… meeting you was a ‘good’ point for me.” Still, she didn’t want to discredit his observations either. “I’m glad that it doesn’t limit you. That’s… part of my problem, I think.” A bit of a callback to their earlier conversation. She was glad he didn’t feel such limits from a title or role, but she suspected both of them were still figuring things out.

[whose_son_am_i]

"The very nature and role of a trickster means one will change and grow and test boundaries. It'd be fairly ironic and annoying if that 'limited' one, given its nature." Wryly, with a hint of smirk.

[magusrobin]

The smirk sent relief through her. At least he was feeling well enough to do so.

“Do you think, maybe, that’s where people first got the inspiration?” She asked, curious. Knowing that Loki had lived a long life, he might have seen it, but… for now, she was just debating with herself. “Elias often says how the Other Side often influences things in our world, even if you can’t see it. I guess I’m curious if it might be the same way…”

[whose_son_am_i]

"Tricksters existed long before me, Chise. I would not be surprised by your Elias being right. When we visited Midgard centuries ago, they thought us gods and took inspiration from us." Which, the humans weren't wrong. They just also hadn't held the complete picture. "Consider though, that to some animals, a human might be considered a god."

There's a wry twist to his smirk now. "Much as an ant has no quarrel with a boot, so too might the ant consider beings it can barely conceive properly of to be immortal and capable of changing the ant's universe."

[magusrobin]

“That makes sense. Though I hadn’t thought of it from that perspective before, but… it’s like with the fae, back home. Part of why careful respect is shown is due to the influence - good or bad - they can have when they come in contact with someone. Whether that person can perceive them or not…” She trailed off, thinking it through. Not that it was a foreign concept to her, but it was a new way of comparison.

[whose_son_am_i]

Loki let Chise work it out, and as amused. It also occurred to him that this is part of why he enjoyed spending time with Chise. She was thoughtful, and intelligent--but her views were not the usual sort he encountered. He was curious, and she was curious too.

It also fully occurred to him that yes, she had made herself available to be there for him. To be certain he was, if not alright, then that he had space and someone to talk with. It wasn't that Loki hadn't perceived it before, but that the fullness of it hit him finally.

"Basic kindness, manners, and respect, will do a lot for one usually." He murmured, having mulled things over a bit while having more food and iced tea. "That said...you've mentioned Elias before, and I've had the idea that he's more than simply your buyer or teacher. Do tell?"

[magusrobin]

Loki's question once again centered on that... and while she might have thought he was redirecting the conversation... that was alright. If it was easier to focus on a different subject, she would oblige. Now how to answer...

"He is." She could answer that much honestly and straightforwardly. "I guess first he was the one who saved me... though 'buyer' is technically true too. I willingly sold myself, and Elias bought me to be his apprentice. Sleigh Beggy are rare, or so I've been told, due to the strain caused by our bodies constantly producing magic." The summary was more for her own benefit, as she sorted through her thoughts. "That's why he chose me. In that way, I'm fortunate... though I didn't think so at the time. Beyond him being my teacher, I also teach him about humans. Emotions." All things that she had probably told Loki before, but she was sort of skirting the issue. "And..."

Chise hesitated, pausing as she took another sip of iced tea. Unsure if she should admit the next part.

[whose_son_am_i]

"Chise, you know you're not a bad storyteller, building suspense like this." It was a subtle tease for her about her hesitation. And a subtle way of saying that if she really didn't want to tell, to watch her words.

[magusrobin]

The teasing helped, actually. It relaxed her, and… hearing that subtle note - that way out that she could take - gave her some amount of courage.

Still, she gave him a somewhat-amused smile. “Really? The suspense isn’t intentional, but if you say so…”

Her gaze trailed back down to her iced tea, settling there. She gave herself a moment, one breath in, one breath out. Before she allowed herself to admit the truth.

“And… a future bride, too…” Her words were partly a whisper, filled with uncertainty and… there was that blush again. As she awaited his reaction.

[whose_son_am_i]

It had been a warning too, to point out how she was leading someone to ask. Inwardly, Loki was pleased she hadn't shied away. "Then perhaps you need to learn to be a better story teller so it is intentional." He teased softly, but listened patiently. Letting her come to it in her own time.

"Ah." He murmured after a moment or two, a wealth of understanding in that tone. "Multiple roles and things for you to muddle over then, hmm?" He did not sound surprised or at all judgemental.

[magusrobin]

Somehow, for some reason, Loki’s lack of surprise calmed her. Maybe she expected him to freak out - just because most of the reactions she had seen from others when she told them had been just that. But… his was a collected, thoughtful response. It was refreshing. It made her feel like she could discuss more.

“Right.” She nodded. Multiple roles indeed… “I don’t really know what to expect. He said ‘future bride’ so that implies not now… but then he called a trip we took a while back a honeymoon. But… Elias isn’t exactly human, so I’m not sure what his expectations are either. ‘Marriage’ tends to imply certain things for… humans, I guess you would say but…” She let out a sigh. “I’m just not sure what to think.”

[whose_son_am_i]

"It seems as if that's something for the two of you to discuss in detail. What 'marriage' entails, and what you both want." Loki observed with a gentle smile. "At least you don't seem unhappy or troubled by the prospect itself, just the lack of uncertainty of what it's defined as."

[magusrobin]

Chise nodded in certainty, though she felt a bit conflicted.

“Right… it’s just… despite living the past two years with Elias, I feel like I don’t know much about him. Or as much as I would like to. He’s family to me, regardless of what roles we define for each other. But… every time I ask, he tends to dodge the question. Or ask for more time. Which… I understand. I get the feeling that, maybe, Elias doesn’t know the answers himself to some of the things I ask…”

She sighed, forcing herself to take another bite of bread. “I feel like I’m going around in circles with no end in sight.”

[whose_son_am_i]

"Is it so bad that he may not have the answers? Perhaps you, by asking and by being there, are helping him to find them." Loki offered with understanding and gentleness. "And if you find yourself going in circles, perhaps it's time to take a new path. You have time and space here to do so."

[magusrobin]

“I… guess it isn’t. But… I want to know more about him. It’s not because I don’t trust him, or I want to know everything, but he’s family. I care so… I want to know more.” Her blush deepened. Taking a few moments to avoid eye contact and exhaling a steadying breath, her gaze then met Loki’s again.

“But… you’re right. I have time. And unless Elias would show up here, it’s not like I’m in a rush…” And even if he did show up… they would figure it out. Still, a new path…? “If you don’t mind me asking, was there anything specific you meant by a ‘new path’ or…?” Curiosity drove her, mostly, as people who had talked to in the past normally had a specific suggestion when bringing that up.